Avoiding Three-way Relationships

Last month a beloved Jamaican DJ called Captain Barkley along with his mistress, Tracy Bennett, were gunned down in Bronx, New York by the husband of his mistress. Ever since I read about Barkley's death on Facebook I found it hard to get the incident out of my mind. I believe that Barkley's death was preventable. I know that many people will say that many men are having affairs out of their marriage and they do not end up dead. This is true but not because many people are doing it that does not make it right.  I am aware that temptations come to all of us but at the same time we have choices: We can choose to yield to temptation or we can choose to run from temptation. Neither Barkley nor Bennett deserved to be killed; however, if Barkley was not having an affair with Bennett her husband would not have killed him. Maybe Bennett would have been killed but not on that night. According to one neighbor of Bennett there were loud arguments heard from her house at times when her husband was home. Clearly, she and her husband were having problems and I do not believe they were solely related to the five-year affair that she had with Barkley.

People who know both Barkley and Bennett reported that they were good people despite the wrong decisions both made in having an affair. They will be missed for a long time.

In all of this my heart goes out to the families of both Barkley and Bennett. They both left children behind. I pray that these children will be comforted and that family members, relatives, and friends will be there for them always. I also deeply feel it for the somewhat "forgotten" wife of Barkley. May God give her peace at this time. It must be very hard for her to face the fact that her husband's last night on earth was spent with his mistress. I pray that her mind will mostly dwell on the good times she had with her late husband as she acknowledges the fact that he had a relationship with another woman. May God give her strength as she works through her emotions and moans the loss of her husband.

How to Avoid Three-way Relationships

• Resist temptation of having relationships out of your marriage or with someone who is in a relationship. If you are attracted to a person you know that you had no right to be in a relationship with you may want to distant yourself from that person. This person is not the right person you want to tell your problems to or even sit and listen to his/her problems. Many relationships begin from sharing problems.
• Limit conversations with this person that you are attractive to. It does not matter the form of conversations whether it is by telephone or social media. Conversations can help to make you feel connected to the person you are attracted to. Some people have emotionally checked out of their relationships by having conversations with people through social media.
• Work on not being alone with the person you are attracted to.Many relationships have started because people were in the wrong place alone.

The Dangers of Three-way Relationships

When a man or woman is cheating he or she is usually emotionally checked out of the relationship with his or her spouse at home. I know that some people are good actors and can hide the relationships but I am convinced that the heart is not capable of giving 100 percent to both relationships.Someone is getting more out of the relationship and it is is usually the woman or man on the outside.

Many people can get hurt in three-way relationships. Some of these people usually include the children and the spouse that was faithful. In Barkley's case a host of people got hurt which include his mother, siblings, children, coworkers, friends, fans, Bennett's children, and the many other people in Jamaica who depended on him for financial support and encouraging words. People are usually hurt emotionally and physically: name calling, spreading derogatory information, beatings, fights, and death. People are also hurt socially in that the cheating spouse tend to spend more time with his/her new love and dates with the spouse at home are few or  non-existence. This type of behavior also hurt the neglected spouse emotionally.


In the end it does not worth it to be involved in three-way affairs. If the cost of having an affair is hurting others or losing your life, the cost is far too high. If you are in an affair I would encourage you to end it. It may not be easy for you to end this relationship; however, it is the right thing to do and humans are  usually capable of doing whatever they made up their minds to do. If you are thinking about having an affair I pray that you will make a decision not to begin it. Try using some of the information from this post to help you resist the temptation of beginning an affair. May God give you strength as you make good choices.


Be blessed,

Joy